woot!

School is almost over!!! i am psyched......only 2 days left and then i get to go home for 3 months....yay.....i really dont think i did too bad this semester, but i kinda started getting lazy at the end of the semester. i really dont know what i am goin to do with all my shit... i really have no room for it in my room at home,wierd. as soon as i go home i get to go to work...yay i knwo you are so jelous that you don't get to work everyday this weekend. I can't believe that my freshman year is already over. Its so crazy that i'm already a quarter of the way through college. By the time my sister is a freshman in college, i will be a junior...crazy!!! I hope this summer is tons of fun.....i want to partyy!!!!!

wow...

well its been a hell of a long time since I last wrote in here!! My bad! Last weekend was one hell of a weekend. I was driving between school and the cities all three days!!! shitty. Saturday was the Vienese Ball which totally rocked and I looked super super hot! It was really fun and Leiha and Ryan went with us! But other than that I was getting trained in all weekend for my new job at Canterbury this summer! Should be a fun time I think! Tonight we are goin to go and look at our new house and sign the lease prolly!!! we are all so excited for it and next year is going to be a ton of fun with my new housemates!! Plus, we are living across the street from the AXiD house and everyone will be living there next year, so we will get to see them all the time!! This weekend is initiation, and I am so excited but nervous at the same time!! Its goin to be good tho to FINALLY know everything and actually be a real member!!! yay!!!

AZD

so this weekend totally rocked my world. On friday we went to the toga party and i'm pretty sure that i just got totally wasted and it was a grand time!!!! i got to spend quality time with my AXiD girls on Saturday at retreat, and i am so glad that we had it because it was a TON of fun!!! i also got to know everyone alot better it seems like, and that makes me so happy because i just love everyone!!!!!!!I am soooooo glad that i joined AXiD. It is really one of the best decisions that i have made this year by far. its so ironic to think also that if i would have never cheated on Jason with john, i would never have met any of these girls cuz it was john who told me about the sorority and introduced me to Laura at BOB. It's so funny how things in life work out. 1st semester went really bad for me and now it just seems like everything in my life is just falling into place. I dont think that i have been this content in so long!!! everyday i look forward to seeing one of my sisters....no matter who it is.... and i can't believe how many connections that i have made with everyone already!!!!! Gosh ijust Love All of you girls!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I love spring!

today had to be one of the nicest days in a long long time!!! yay! it was soo warm out, like 60! damn.... so this weekend was wicked good fun! ( thats right i said wicked...) we spent most of the weekend chillin in my room and havin a little party....but last night seriously kicked my ass! haven't been that drunk in a long ass time and was pretty hungover this morning. hell of a good time...we got pretty hannered and went over to higherground cuz me and Leiha wanted to dance, so we went and it was sooo fun! we ended up dancing on the speaker! lol crazy night but i loved it!!and then when i was getting off the speaker i landed on the side of my foot really really hard and now its all swollen and bruised and its not pretty. i'm pretty pissed actually.....but it was totally worth it!!

shit.....

soooooo.....well my sister is coming to visit today and my cousin is coming later to stay the night tonight. should be fun stuff. Also i get to find out who my big sis is!!! and i am so excited ! yay! Man last night made me soo mad..john decided to tell me that i was using him again, and yea that kinda pissed me off alot. i just can't deal with all this emotional shit anymore. we couldn't even have a "real" relationship b/c he doesn't understand that i care for him and would never do anything like that. He always thinks all this bad stuff about me and it just makes me sooo mad all the time. its depressing and sad and i just cant deal anymore.....its not how a "relationship" is supposed to be, you shouldn't doubt the other person all the time and think that they are not sincere in their feelings. and you should just be able to do things for the other person without expecting anything in return just because YOU WANT TO and you know that it will make that other person happy. thats what you do in a relationship is give and take. you can't always expect something in return everytime that you do something for that other person...........

man i hope my sis gets here soon so that we can go get something to eat cuz i am soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo hungry!!!

hump day!!!

yay! today is hump day! who wants a hump day treat????hehe well today is goin good....its sooo beautiful out today and i love all this nice weather we are having right now.....cept right at this moment, cuz as i look out my window it looks like its goin to rain any minute now :( but on a better note i found out that i am getting an A- (yea thats right BITCHES!) in psych! way better than i thought i was doin thats for sure.....yay!! i really hope that my grades get better this semester cuz i dont want to be on academic probation for AZD that would suck!! hmmmm boys really suck... they are so much work and are so confusing and make life a living HELL some times. but things are definatly getting better with john now so that is really really good!!! :) so we will see what happens with that, i keep tellling him that i need time and i really do....but i do really really like him soooooo much I'm just not sure if i want to be with him right now and i like to see him sweat!! hehe he hates waiting and is soo impatient about it. but he really does care for me.....well i think that my fat ass is gonna go do some sit ups now!

hmmm...

well what can i say? I hate love. Its so complicated all the time....nothing can ever be easy and simple. Its so hard when you know you should get over him, but you just cant get urself to. I mean, even tho there is another guy out there that is just so great for you and willing to do whatever it takes to win you back, but you just can't let go no matter how hard you try. i mean its been half a year almost already, but each night you still pray that he will come back someday and forgive you. you know that this other person could be the one that you would like to spend the rest of your life with, but you just can't seem to forget your first love and all that you shared together. you are constantly comparing the two guys and it makes you feel so terrible inside to know that you do it and you know that you are hurting him too. And on top of all that,you always seem to screw everything up in relationships.....maybe because you just dont know what you want. Have you ever seen the Notebook??? if you have that is exactly what is happening to me right now. I can't even watch that movie after the first time that i saw it b/c all it does is make me soooo sad and makes me cry. AHHHHHHH!!!!!! i think that i should just be single for the rest of my life.... that way I cant screw anything up anymore and everyone will be happy....cept me.................................